What the Hell Just Happened?
by Casbriel
Summary: The 11th Doctor and River find themselves on a spaceship called Serenity. Introduce Jack and his immortal fiance, who might be hiding something, another doctor and his psychic sister River, Chaos ensues. Add in an overprotective space Captain and a crazy government, all hell will break loose. AU, Jack/OC and River/11 and Simon/Kaylee R&R please
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: New story! Anyway, two things. 1: if anyone wants to tell me how you get a beta reader, please tell me! 2: If anyone wants to be a beta reader for any of my stories, see above and well you probably know what to do! 3: (I said three right?) Enjoy and I will still work on Not So Alone.**

**Okay, this story may be a bit cliche, but I promise it will be cool. I hope! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Captain Jack or Captain Reynolds or the incredibly hot Doctors in either show! *Pouts and cries* But I do own Kiera! **

**OH! Another note: this is a magical AU where Rose was actually pregnant that day on Bad Wolf Bay! And they came back!**

**Allons-y, then!**

Greetings: Prologue:

My name is Kiera Tyler. I am 24 years old. I am also immortal. My mum's name is Rose Tyler. She used to travel with an alien known as the Doctor. My father is a strange man, I never met him. I met his clone a few times, but that's for later. When I was younger, my mum spent years trying to get back to him. When I was 6, she succeeded. She came back, heartbroken. With her was his clone, John Smith, I only met him a few times and the last time I saw him, he died.

He was shot. The agency he and mum worked at was attacked. I was helping her with paperwork that day and saw it all. I was only 11. Two men came into the lab, I was asking him about quantum mechanics and they just shot him. I was furious. John had always been kind to me and he was dead. Torchwood ruined my life at that moment. I grabbed his gun and shot both of the men. Grabbing their guns along with some chemicals, I managed to blow up the building. The only fatalities were the men who attacked us and ,well, me. I woke up in pain a few hours later. They had just pulled me from the rubble and mum was crying.

After Torchwood fell, mum went crazy. She spent 2 years rebuilding the dimension cannon. Grabbing the little we had left, we left the universe I was born in behind. We moved to Manchester in Northern England. I was ,at this point, 13. We spent 4 years here. This was where I met my best friend, Olivia Downing. When I was 17, we went on a trip to Cardiff. Olivia's parents constantly traveled, so she really lived with us. This is where Jack comes into my life. Mum had been overjoyed to see him.

Mum enrolled Olivia and I in a small school in Cardiff. We spent our afternoons working as interns at Torchwood. As I grew older, I realized a few things. Jack was a lot like me in more than just our flirty outook on life. Neither of us could die. We were enigmas , neither of us actually existed. We called ourselves, the Innuendo Squad. Eventually, Jack asked me to go get a drink with him when I turned 19. From there, my life got better, I still had never actually met my father, but I no longer cared. I had friends, a fantastic boyfriend and a great psuedo-family.

This is the story of my life, well, from the time I got engaged to when I finally met my father to when I saved the 'verse from a crazy government.

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A girl stalked into the Torchwood hub, a faint smile playing at her lips. She had long, curly, dark brown hair. Her green-gold eyes circled the room as she stormed into the office of Captain Jack Harkness. Jack glanced up in surprise when he saw the seemingly furious girl.

"Hello, Kiera," he said, conversationally. She looked at him as he sized her up.

"Mr. Harkness, what do you think you are doing?" she asked, calmly. He chuckled when he saw the faint smirk.

"Working, darling, what else?" he answered. She looked at him again and walked towards the wardrobe in the room.

"Do you want my mum killing you?" she asked seriously. He gulped and tried to stand up. Kiera laughed and jumped in his lap when he almost succeeded. They both hit the floor.

"Hello," Jack said, looking at her.

"Hi," she said back. "We've got to go." Jack looked at her as they stood up. She was garbed in her usual skinny jeans and white blouse. Her jeans were tucked into knee-high TARDIS blue combat boots with a matching belt. Her signature ankle-length black trenchcoat completed the look. "Jack, staring." she told him.

"Yep, and enjoying the view," he said with a flirty undertone. She smiled and shoved his WWII great coat at him.

"Allons-y, Jack!" she laughed, running out of the office. He sauntered up behind her and held out his arm.

"Going my way, little darlin'?" he asked, with his American accent heavy.

"Any other way to go, Daddy-O?" she answered with a horribly fake accent. He smiled and they left the hub.

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Arriving at the party, Jack immediatly led Kiera to the dancefloor. Around 30 minutes later, Kiera saw her mum and went to talk with her.

"Hey, Mum," Kiera said. Rose smiled and laughed .

"Hi, Kee, what's going on?" she asked. Kiera moved to hug Rose and laughed.

"I'm great, Mum," Kiera told her, "How are you?" Rose shifted and then spoke after a pregnant pause.

"Fine, I guess, I still can't get ahold of your father," she told her daughter. Kiera groaned and looked at her mum.

"Mum, it has been over 10 years, he isn't coming back." she said, softly. Rose nodded and smiled weakly.

"How's Jack," she asked, trying to change the subject.

"Great, well, he's Jack, I guess," Kiera said, enthusiastically. Rose nodded and smiled. They continued their small talk until Jack came over and took Kiera outside to the garden.

"Jack, where are we going?" Kiera asked. Jack led her to a gazebo and grabbed her hands.

"Dance with me?" he asked. Kiera nodded and they began swaying. "1941, the height of the London Blitz, that's where I met your mother, now it is 2012, and I am dancing with the one person I want to spend my life with," Jack whispered in her ear. Kiera blushed and Jack knelt down. Taking a box out of his pocket. He looked up at Kiera with hopeful eyes.

"Kiera, darling, will you marry me?" he asked. Kiera looked at him and knelt down beside him.

"Of course," she whispered and his eyes lit up. He pulled her head to his and kissed her.

"Thank god," he said, slipping a emerald and sapphire encrusted ring on her finger.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N new chapter**

A few days later, they decided to go somewhere. Setting Jack's vortex manipulator, that Kiera had fixed, to random, they packed their bags. Each of them grabbed two pistols and a knife. Shouldering their bags, they flashed out of the hub.

They landed on a ship. Jack caught Kiera as she stumbled, her head was a bit fuzzy from the manipulator. Jack laughed when he saw her dazed expression. The safety of a gun clicked off, and Kiera stiffened.

"You may shoot me, but the moral highground is mine," she told the man holding a gun to her ear. Jack stiffled a chuckle when he saw a darker-skinned woman point a gun at him.

"Who the hell are you and what the hell are you doing on my ship?" the man asked them. Kiera smiled and ducked away from the gun.

"Be careful, could put an eye out with that," she chided, both people stared at her. She was openly tempting them to shoot her. "I am Dame Kiera Tyler of Torchwood." she added seriously, "And this is my lovely fiance, Jack Harkness."

"Malcolm Reynolds," the man said shortly. Jack looked at him.

"Mal? Mal Reynolds?" he said, curiously. The man nodded. "Oh, and Zoe! I didn't know you survived." 'Mal' looked at him.

"Jack Harkness, the impossible man who can't die," Mal said after a moment. Jack smiled.

"Hello," Jack said. 'Zoe' looked at both of them.

"Jack," she said, solemnly. Jack smiled and Kiera smacked him.

"OI! Jesus, woman! Can't a man say hello to old friends?" he asked her.

"Well, obviously _you_ can't," Kiera laughed. Jack looked hurt and Kiera kissed him. "You don't know how to not flirt."

"Well, I am the captain of the Innuendo Squad," he said, smirking at Kiera.

"Oh, hell no! You are the Captain of Torchwood! I am the Innuendo Squad captain, it's only fair!" Kiera protested. Jack was about to say something when Mal cut him off.

"Zoe, take the girl to a cell, I want to talk with Jack." Zoe grabbed Kiera's arm and led her away. They approached a room and Zoe told her to stay before locking the door. Kiera sighed and opened her backpack.

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"Jesus, Jack! Where did you go?" Mal asked him. Jack smirked.

"Away," he said simply. Mal stared at him. "What? It's true!"

"And so specific," Mal was getting fed up with Jack's antics.

"Earth, Cardiff, Wales, 21st century," Jack told him. Mal stared at him in shock.

"Fine, we'll just go ask your precious fiance." Mal motioned for Jack and another man to follow him. When they reached the cell door, the ship shook as an explosion blew the door off. Jack sighed when he saw his fiance step out of the smoke.

"Let's blow something up, shall we?" she said. In one hand, she held a gun and in the other a homemade grenade. Jack whistled when he saw her and she grinned a manic grin that reminded Jack of the Doctor's.

"Jayne, what was that?" a girl about Kiera's age ran up. Jayne just stared at Kiera.

"Now that is my kind of woman," he said. Kiera smiled and walked over to him.

"Dame Kiera of Torchwood, Powell and TARDIS," she told him. She held her hand out and Jayne kissed it.

"Oh my god, you are such a slut, Kiera," Jack told her. Kiera smiled and walked over to him.

"I thought that was you, Mr. 'I am the captain of the Innuendo Squad' Harkness," she said, kissing him.

"No, you said I was just the captain of Torchwood, you are the Innuendo Squad captain, now," Jack smirked as the broke apart.

"Shut up," Kiera said. The other girl looked at her before looking at the door.

"You blew the door off," she said simply. Kiera smirked and looked that way.

"Looks better, an improvement,"

"I'm Kaylee," the girl said, "Ship's mechanic."

"Kiera, Torchwood, time traveler, dame of 3 estates, this loaf's fiance, and part alien," Kiera laughed. Kaylee's eyes widened.

"Where are ya from?" she asked Kiera.

"Well, London, then Manchester and then Cardiff, bit of a traveller."

"Where are those places?" Kaylee asked. Kiera looked at her.

"Earth, well more specificly, England and Wales," Kiera told her. Again, Kaylee's eyes widened.

"Earth?" she repeated. Kiera nodded. A girl around 17 was the next person to enter the area. She walked slowly and carefully towards them.

"They are laughing," she said, simply.

"No, why would we do that?" Jack asked. Kiera studied the girl.

"What do you see that everyone misses?" she asked her.

"Everything, you are different than anyone we have ever met. So strange. So different, yet so similar. You wait for a father you never met, you wait for the universe to go wrong. You carry a sort of starlight and it never fades. You have been so far, always preceded by the Oncoming Storm and the Big, Bad Wolf," the girl told her. Kiera stared as the girl continued. "Your mother saved a man and killed him at the same time, brought a man to life by taking his ability to die," at this Jack gasped, "Your love for danger is that of your father's. And you love the running, all the running your mother told you about. And you lie. You burn, but not in the center, but off to the side because you think you are not worthy. You are the daughter of time, but yet so afraid of it. Why?"

"What got the little albatross so carried away?" Mal asked them when the girl paused. Kiera took the pause to look into the girls head. She vaguely felt Jack catch her as both she and the girl fell.

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Kiera stood in a corridor. Doors lined each side as she wondered around. She felt a hand grip hers as she reached a room. She looked down to see the girl.

"Who are you?" she asked the girl.

"River" she replied simply. Kiera nodded. "I know who you are, Kiera."

"Good, cause sometimes I don't," Kiera laughed. River stared at her.

"Why are you here?" River asked her softly. Kiera felt quite scared of the girl and looked at her.

"To help," Kiera answer quickly. River nodded.

"Your father is coming here, soon," River told her. Kiera looked at the girl. "Are you really from Earth?" Kiera nodded. "Could you take me there? What is Torchwood?"

"Torchwood is a secret group that defend the planet, and maybe if you can fight and defend yourself, you can join," Kiera told her. River led her to a door.

"You can look," River told her. Kiera opened the door and watched as River was tortured and trained. After a few minutes, she closed it.

"Let's talk later," Kiera told her. Kiera felt herself slip back into her body.

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Jack was holding her. Kiera got up and walked over to River as she woke up.

"Hello," River said. Kiera laughed.

"Hello, River," Kiera replied. She noticed a young man also leaning over her. "Hello, Kiera, and you are?"

"Simon, her brother," the man said. Kiera laughed. She looked over to Jack.

"This is the last time I let you set coordinates! You said your father taught you and you get us here!" Jack ranted at her, "And then you happen to find another psychic! And you have to get to know her without our interference and then you wake up and ignore me-" Jack's rant was cut off by Simon.

"Your psychic?" he asked her. She nodded.

"One question Kiera, the girl said you never met your father, but you claim he taught you quantum mechanics," Jack asked her. Kiera sighed. She had known she would have to tell him.

"I never met my father, I met a man who was human and just like him, his name was John Smith, he taught me all I know about time travel and quantum mechanics. He was killed in front of me, Jack. I watched them gun him down!" Kiera said, she started yelling the closer she got to finishing.

"Who is your father?" Jack said harshly.

"The Doctor," Kiera mumbled.

"Kiera, I do not speak mumble," Jack said impatiently.

"THE DOCTOR!" Kiera yelled. This took Jack completly by suprise. "Are you happy now, Jack? You figured out who I am! A great big round of applause for the universe's biggest asshole!"

Jack stared at her in shock. Kiera moved away and Kaylee and River went over to her.

"Are you alright?" Kaylee asked. Kiera shook her head and sat down. Kaylee and River followed suit and held her.

"I can't believe he did that." she said softly. Kaylee looked at her.

"Did they really gun him down in front of you?" Kaylee asked. Kiera went to answer, but River beat her.

"Yes, I saw it,"

"As a friend of my dad's once said, a door once opened can be stepped through either side." Kiera said. Kaylee hugged her and River looked up to glare at Jack.

" You are an impossible thing, not human, but still human. You live forever. Always getting what you want. You once lost everything. Your own brother came back and tried to ruin your life again. The woman who saved you is here and you scold her for having secrets, while you hold so much from her. You are not a kind person, and she knows that. She has seen you for who you really are and yet she holds you closer. And you act without compassion." River scolded him. Jack opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off by a wheezing sound. A smile crossed his face as he ran towards the rapidly materialising police box. Kiera stared at the object of her childhood fantasies appeared. A man stuck his head out and looked at them all.

"River, this is definitly not Stormcage," he said.

**HI: sorry if the characters are a bit off. Or I got some facts wrong!**

**Reviews make me a better writer!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi, I am here! No reviews yets. grrrrrrrr! **

The man stepped out of the box. He had green-gray eyes and floppy brown hair. He wore a tweed jacket and red bowtie. A woman with curly, blonde hair followed him out of the box. Kiera smiled brightly when she saw the woman.

"Professor River Song, or is it still Doctor Song?" she asked the woman. River Song looked at her and smiled.

"Kiera, how are you? Better question, why are you here?" River Song asked her. Kiera smiled and got up to hug the woman.

"Um, River, there is another River here, should we call you Melody, so it isn't as confusing?" Kiera whispered to River as they hugged. River/Melody nodded. "Alright, great to see ya, Mels!" Kiera laughed. The man who had arrived in the TARDIS looked at Jack.

"Hello, Jack, who are all these people with you and why does the girl hugging River have a gun?" the man asked him. Jack smiled and looked at Kiera.

"See, I told you not to bring a gun. I told you he hates them. He might not like you now." Jack smirked.

"But-mum, she has a gun!" Kiera stammered. The man looked at her. Kiera had already figured he was the Doctor. Who else would arrive in such an outfit.

"Yes, but your mother knows how to use it and doesn't blow stuff up," Jack told her. The Doctor was following their conversation intently.

"I only blew up Torchwood because they killed John and almost killed mum, AND IT WASN'T YOUR TORCHWOOD," Kiera half-stuttered and half-yelled. Jack smirked and the Doctor cut in.

"Who's John and what do you mean it wasn't his Torchwood- " the Doctor was ct off by a cell phone going off.

_Carry on, my wayward son, _

_there'll be peace when you are done, _

_lay your weary head to rest, _

_don't you cry no more_

The song filled the area as Kiera fumbled through her pockets. She cursed quietly in a language no one recongnised and walked over Jack. She held out her hand and Jack sheepishly handed her the phone.

"Hey, mum," Kiera said into the phone. She paused a moment and sighed. "Yes, I shall inform him-" she was cut off by Jack grabbing the phone.

"Hello, Rosie, how are you?" Jack said. Kiera groaned and the Doctor looked at her. Jack nodded once and went to hand the phone to Kiera when the Doctor grabbed it.

"Oh my god! Will you just give me my phone?!" Kiera huffed. The Doctor held the phone to his ear.

"Who is this and why is Jack and the girl here?" he asked into the phone. He paused a moment. "Rose Tyler," he said simply. Kiera stared as he paled and handed the phone back to her. Kiera listened for a minute and then hung up.

"Happy now," she asked the Doctor. He stiffened and Kiera stalked away.

"Jack, who was she?" He asked softly when Kiera and the other girls had left.

"My fiance, Miss Kiera Tyler of Torchwood," Jack answered. The Doctor looked at him.

"Her mum is Rose, and John was her father, right?" he asked nervously. Jack shook his head.

"Kiera was 6 when she met John and only 11 when they died."

"They?" the Doctor asked. Jack nodded.

"Kiera can't die, she blew up the tower they were in after John was shot," Jack told him. The Doctor paled and nodded.

"Who is her father, then?" he asked Jack. Jack nodded and the Doctor paled even more. "You mean..." he trailed off. Jack nodded and their conversation was interrupted by music and the girls singing.

_Take my life, Take my land: Take me where I cannot stand_

_It's ok, I'm still free: You can't take the sky from me_

_I'm heading out to the black: tell them I'm not coming back_

_Burn the land and boil the sea: you can't the sky from me_

_There's no place I can be since I've found Serenity_

The song ended and the Doctor smiled. If she was his daughter, that song was perfect for her.

**Hi, short chapter. sorry, I do not own Carry on, My wayward son or the Ballad of Serenity**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi! Sorry, but this is not an update. I have been very busy lately and have some writers block.**

**I have been considering started an Supernatural Q&A fic. **

**If you have questions, please send a pm and I will have the boys, Bobby, and the angels answer. **

**My brothers will not be hard to convince, although the Winchesters and Bobby may be.**

**Send me your questions, Castiel will make sure everyone answers their questions.**

**Feel free to check out some of my other fics.**

**Thanks!**

**I feel really badly about not updating. I will get to work on it.**

**~Casbriel**

_**For every PM my little sister gets, I will play a prank on the Winchesters**_

_**~Gabriel**_

Please do not listen to Gabriel, readers. He is...not right. Still leave a personal message for my sister, however. I shall make sure that the Winchesters will answer.

-Castiel


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